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I have family history of cancer and was recently tested positive for the BRCA 1 gene.
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When I was 13, both my mom and grandmother were diagnosed with cancer. My grandmother had Ovarian and my mom had breast cancer. On June 1, 2007 my grandmother lost her long battle. There is not a day that goes by that she doesnt cross my mind. I was with her during her last few weeks and I hold those moments very close to my heart. Last year, on June 2, 2011 my mom was diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer. She had to have catheters put in her lungs due to the fluid around them and she was also diagnosed with sinus tacchicardia. It was a long summer. She was in the hospital for most of June. In November she finished her rounds of chemo and is now currently on the avastin as a preventive method for 6 more treatments. In September she went for the genetic testing and was tested positive. So I finally went for mine in December and I found out last week that it I am positive as well. In my heart and deep down, i knew it was going to be but when i heard it, I was scared and just went home and cryed. But I've realized how grateful I am at the same time. As I will have preventive methods available to me now that both my mom and grandmother and great grandmother never had and for that alone, i am grateful.
The hardest part of my journey, hands down, is trying to decide whether or not to have a child. When I was 13 I was also diagnosed with epilepsy and I know there are thousands of people with epilepsy every day who have healthy children but i've always told myself that if its meant to be it will. However, now i am in a relationship where words cant even express how much i love him and i want a family with him. He has a son already whom i've grown to truly care about. But it's made me realize all that more how much I want to have a child with him. I feel like I'm on a timeline now, where i have 6-7yrs before i have to have my ovaries and fallopian tube removed. I struggle with this every single day. Part of me feels if i have a daughter, will i carry this to her, is that fair to do? But at the end of the day i cant help but want a child of my own. I try talking to my boyfriend but he doesnt get it. I tell him he has a son, he has no idea what this feeling is like. I see people in my life having kids, no problem and i just want to scream some days, why cant i have that. I feel no one around me understands and for the first time in my life i cant talk to my mom about this because to her and my family, I am fine and thats how it will be.